The Journey

So that's some background. Alcoholism does not rule me, but it is part of me. The purpose of this blog is to follow me, as I go through college. I am 35 years old, had not set foot in a class for 18 years.

I had decided in rehab that I want to be an addictions therapist and help others find a better way of living. They showed such compassion, and focused on teaching me that I wasn't a bad person, I was sick and did bad things. I was responsible for my actions, but I wasn't that woman, and never had to be again. Their empathy was amazing. I wanted to be that person who gave hope without judgement for someone else. I told my therapist that back then, she smirked (as I sat a whole 18 days sober) and said "I think you'd make a good one, down the road when you have years of sobriety and something to offer." Funny, I knew she was right, and it would be a while before I could begin to think of others, I was a hot mess.

On top of this I am Bipolar, and have bad anxiety issues. I hope to inspire those people too. Life is freaking scary, but the power we have inside is so strong. We often feel sorry for ourselves and limitations, but the only "real" limitations, spare a few, are ones we impose on ourselves.

Okay at the time of this post I am in week 7! I didn't know how much work this would be. Oh, it's my own fault LOL no denying this. See, my mind works just fine, I am rational (mostly) and I know my limits. However the impulse of a Bipolar sometimes gets you screwed LOL..I am my own worst enemy at times. This is how it happened..

I'm all smart and calm and think "Let's start slow, see how this goes and how well you deal and go from there. We'll try 2 classes in the fall." Logical thinking. After looking into colleges with the program I choose to start at CCRI. I went down to enroll and all of a sudden I'm at 4 classes and do you just want to start the summer session 3 weeks away? What? Well at the time this sounded "logical" I wouldn't have much time to back out and make excuses! Bipolar impulse, really didn't know what I had just agreed to.

Hahahahahahaha..Does anyone "explain" a summer session? Nope. Well, it's 2-six week accelerated courses that end up 12 credits in a shorter time. 15 weeks of classes in 6. And I took 2 each session. Right, right..so going from a stay-at-homer for the past years working here and there, to all this work is a boatload! Seriously people, I find I am the minority, most take 1 or 2 classes a summer, not 4. It's paid for though and I am determined if nothing else. My anxiety gets bad. My mood hadn't been all that friendly. I'm getting better with that. Not at school, but at home.

Okay so I started the first session in May. Most days were not all that bad, there. I had a few times where a panic attack was coming on and I swore I couldn't walk in there alone. I did though, I talked to myself and somehow made it into the seat. I couldn't concentrate fully until I was down, but you are there for hours, ask questions. I drove highways myself, in the dark..I am woman I am telling you LOL

I was rusty and thankfully paper formats were online. One class, Intro to Human Services involved up to 7 papers a week, and the other was an English writing so that tells you. I worked my ass off. Ended with an A & A- respectively.

Home life was a bit more tricky..